First off I will say that i was in a very unhealthy on and off 3 1/2 year relationship with a guy who repeatedly cheated on me. During one of our break ups, I met a guy. He is three years younger than me and that posed a problem for me at first. After getting over the age difference I ended up breaking up with my 3 1/2 year boyfriend for this guy. We didn’t date right away but got to know each other more and grew to really like each other. I was his first serious girlfriend. We dated for over 2 years and then he decided he wanted a break to date other people but told me he thought we would date again in the future. We stopped talking but out of no where he contacted me and told me he didn’t have anything with any other girls. Then as things were getting so good I thought maybe we were going to date, I found out he just started dating another girl. And then I found out that he was dating her when he kissed me. Since we live in a small town the girl he started dating found out and broke up with him. He was so angry with me and ended up saying he never wants to talk to me or see me again. A day later he apologized and said he still wants to be friends. But when he talked to me it was as if he wanted to be more than friends. We both knew dating at the moment was out of the question but we said we would take it day by day and hope everything works itself out. He texted me every day for almost two weeks acting as if he still wanted to be with me. Out of no where he stopped texting me so i texted him and he has been being short with me. I know what I have with him is not something that I am willing to just give up on. I want to fight for what we have but I don’t know if that will ever make him realize that he can’t take me for granted anymore. He said himself he knows I would do anything for him and I’ll always be here for him. So part of me thinks if I some how make him think he really lost me that he will finally realize just what we have. But I also don’t want him to think I’m giving up on us. Because that’s not my intentions at all. I just don’t know what the right thing to do is anymore. Please help!
Thank you so much for writing to us. Your situation sounds like a very difficult and also fairly common one. At Youthline, we try to emphasize honesty and communication. We think that it leads to better understanding of each other, and fewer secrets in relationships, romantic or otherwise. We don’t know everything about your situation or the young man that you wrote about, but we think that it’s probably best to be truthful with him, and tell him what you want! Playing “hard to get”, beating around the bush or not talking about what you want upfront can really confuse people about your intentions. It sounds like both of you are doing that, on some level, so maybe now it’s time to come clean. If you have an honest conversation with him about what both of you want, in the end you will have more honesty in whatever relationship ensues, and better communication between you.